


Winter in New York

by guiltypleasure_w



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Homesickness, Long-Distance Relationship, New York City, Post-Time Skip, Pro Volleyball Player Hinata Shouyou, Pro Volleyball Player Kageyama Tobio
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:09:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 19,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24789025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guiltypleasure_w/pseuds/guiltypleasure_w
Summary: Yumeri Senne works too much, sighs too much and misses a certain 6'2'' of scowl too much.--in which they explore buried teenager angst and long distance relationship.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Tobio/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 14





	1. 01

**Author's Note:**

> Testing the waters, will update new chapters in a bit.  
> I had fun writing this, hope it's not too bad!

It is the second Arctic front to cross part of the country in recent days. The sky darkens with the polar plunge. Yumeri Senne craves warmth from the south, of palm trees and blue skies; a traveller yearning for home. But she gets snow.

Yumeri Senne trudges as she buries her frozen nose into her scarf, her skin shivers at the dampness of snow on her hair. She loved the winter in New York when she first arrived. Like a newborn finding joy in dust, or sounds, or the color grey. The way the dry chill grated her skin felt fresh. At least it isn’t the kind of cold she’s used to, the type that is cold and wet to the core. Everything was a wonder as a wide-eyed Journalism student. The architecture, the metropolitan skyline and the stench at the metro were unheard of, she felt as if she lived in an American romantic comedy. In hindsight, she was a fool.

She misses home the most on days like this, when frost nibbles her knuckles and toes until they feel like hers no more. She turns the corner and counts the seconds before she can take refuge in her apartment. **10**. _Perhaps she can call home to ask what her little brother had for breakfast._ **9**. _Or maybe not_. She cannot tolerate another long description of katsudon, boba tea, and hot-pot. **8**. _Who else can she call?_ **7**. Her social media has been unsettlingly quiet lately. She checks her Instagram, Facebook feed, and Twitter accounts almost religiously whenever she misses home, but recently it's been dead, void of connection. A terrifying loneliness consumes her. **6**. How she craves the ping of notification right here right now. **5**. She rubs her hands together as she passes the warm bodega, trying not to catch the eyes of the blond clerk who is always ogling her from behind the counter. _Maybe she should give him a chance?_ **4**. Breathing out a wisp of steam, she fishes in her clutch for her keys. Her thick gloves find the cold metallic keys and pull them out, along with her earphones, eyebrow pencil and a few hair bands, scattered on the muddy ground. She curses under her breath and bends down to pick them all up. She remembers how beautiful it was last week in Central Park: the virgin snow fell and cluttered, carpeting the whole world white. The warmth of the bagel still lingers on her tongue. **3**. Still embarrassed about making a mess, she sacrifices a few hair bands and scurries up two flights at once to the entrance. **2, 1.** As she pushes the heavy door open, she expects relief, but what she feels is another vacuum of emptiness. After all, home in New York feels more like a temporary lodge than a permanent shelter (albeit this is her home for five years now) .

“Hey, Yumeri, there’s a snow storm coming tonight. Make sure to shut your windows before you sleep, okay?” Nikki, her flat mate, shouts from the kitchen when Yumeri pushes the door open.

Yumeri yells back an obscene amount of gratitude as she flies past the living room and into her room.

Nikki and Evan, her roommates, are the only people Yumeri would call friends in this town. An easily embarrassed and low-key shy Yumeri finds it hard to maintain eye contact with the couple. Be it excessive PDA or incessant meddling with her private business, she didn’t mix well with the couples at first. She even began looking for a new apartment. But gradually, they bonded over a stray cat, Evan’s drunken disasters, and Nikki’s several failed attempts at Asian culinary. Now, behind all the niceties and pleasantries, Yumeri finds Nikki warm and welcoming, never hesitating to lend her a hand, and her boyfriend Evan, though loud and prone to ask uncomfortable questions, cares so much about her mental wellbeing, her eyes water in delight sometimes. It is always nice living with them, although the living condition does spoil her a tad, or else she doesn’t know how to survive in New York City without them.

-

Considering a workaholic in her 20’s, her room is very neat. There is scarcely anything about her in the rectangular bedroom. Her bedsheets are white, pillows are beige. A coat or two hang on her cushioned chair, a few skincare products littered across the desk. Back home, there were vintage posters, books she’d planned to read, and throw pillows on her bed. Everything's different, now. Dumping her bag on the floor, she collapses on the bed and sighs, burying her face into the pillow. Nothing smells like home here.

She sighs again and stands up, taking off her coat and pulls out her laptop, beginning to work.

Her chest feels empty, her arms feel empty — everything about her is vacant. It is as if everything in her is sucked dry and leaves an empty shell of a woman. She craves something more, a hug, a peck on the forehead — some warmth tonight. But an overwhelming load of work and a mug of bitter coffee keep her company instead.

Yumeri yawns as she listens half-heartedly to the interview recording, typing up the transcript, and sighs for the hundredth time (it’s not like she’s counting).

_You will sigh your remaining years away, Yumeri._

She doesn’t remember where the words might’ve come from: her mother, most likely, when she fidgets with a pencil over the Japanese textbooks. Or an overly nosy aunt. The phrase has been spoken to her in various points of her life, in annoyed reminders or chides that went in one ear and out the other. And she does. _Sigh too much_. So now she tries to mask sighs as smiles, mask anxiety as excitement. She smiles, to no one in particular.

_“Of course I miss home.”_ The Korean tennis player in the margin of her laptop says.

Yumeri recognizes the tone -- the dissociation of body and mind. Of looking at the metropolis over Brooklyn Bridge and seeing Jozenji-dori, of trees shedding sparkles, like shooting stars so close she could touch.

She is counting on the drone of this particularly boring interview to send her to sleep, but her clever plan seems to only push further the craved slumber. She doesn’t hate the work, though. She loves work, so much she will marry it given the chance. Dealing with interviews, sport events and celebrities, she adores every second of the cumbersome routine. It is a blessing, she reminds herself, to be doing something she loves so much for a living. It’s a blessing that she’s left behind everything, living in New York alone, and chasing after her dreams. It’s a blessing she knows what she wants, and she isn’t afraid to lose a few things on the way.

Yachi tells her she is crazy and demands she quit her job before it devours her — even the advertising firm in Tokyo isn’t that demanding, she says. Thinking of Yachi, she wonders how she is doing. How’s Tokyo? How’s Hinata? How’s… Her fingers fidget at the thought of calling Yachi to snoop around her friends’ lives.

_"Never make decisions after 3 a.m."_ One of her party animal cousins has told her. The rest of the story hushes into a smirk, she never knows what happens if one makes a decision after 3 a.m. But she listens still because she doesn’t want to find out.

Why does insomnia always happen to good people, she wonders as she falls head first into her foreign bed. She wishes she has something to latch onto -- a throw pillow, a person -- for warmth other than the humming heater.

-

When she sleeps, Yumeri dreams in abundance. When she wakes, the dreams shatter and fragments of cherry blossoms, of the smell of salonpas and sweat swift through the dark room. The bell is screeching, she realizes. She wants to keep dreaming, an escape from the lack of warmth in her room, the chilling vacancy outside of her bed.

The intercom shrieks again but the night is still as dead as the plants Evan swears he would take care of. The bell rings for the third time and they have begun to fret, they ring for the fourth and fifth time out of spite. Yumeri is more awake now, decides to investigate, giving up the hope that Nikki would instead. Maybe even shout some sense into the destroyer of good sleep for waking a sleep-deprived journalist in this ungodly hour.

She stumbles — her vision blurry from standing up too fast — into a knitted sweater and a fluffy slipper. Pulling back her hair from her face, she steps out of the room to investigate the intercom. In her foggy vision, she recognizes Evan’s blond hair, lolling drunkenly, and a tall stranger supporting Evan’s weight, facing away to say something. Seeing it is a drunk Evan, Yumeri groans and buzzes them in. Another party night for Evan, as usual. She sees her cousins, slurring in compliments as she picks them up from the bar. She already has a lecture planned. But that can wait until tomorrow morning.

As she heads back to her slumber, the intercom speaks. It speaks in a rather endearing accented English. A long lost music to her ears, a foreignness in midst of a cultural melting pot in which nothing is foreign enough. “Hey, I need elevator access.”

_Right, the elevator._

She holds on the intercom and sighs, “‘Hmm, I’m coming downstairs. Hold up.”

If she were a little more awake, she would realize the intercom voice sounds oddly familiar, but don’t all electronically warped voices sound exactly the same?

Yumeri rehearses her lecture on her way down. Brainstorming on punishments that will actually be effective. Maybe she should take away the free Yankee tickets, or have him do her laundry for a week.

By the time the elevator door slides open, she hasn’t decided on anything constructive. She lets out a frustrated groan and leans out of the elevator, holding the doors open with her shoulder. “Come on in, I — “ she raises her head to meet a pair of stoic blue eyes and her jaws drops, her voice rolls away.

The Intercom Voice, too, staggers but is much more composed than she will ever be.

“Senne?” Intercom Voice says, now less warped and more familiar. The way he speaks her name isn’t English anymore, it is native. Japanese.

“Kageyama?” She whispers, almost to herself, eyeing Evan, who is clinging to this familiar stranger, whining about his dead succulents. “What are you doing here?” She feels dumb that she is still speaking English and reminds herself to continue the conversation, should there be one, in his native tongue.

“Met him at the bar around the corner.” His answer is short and brief, straight to the point. As he always is, with a perpetual scowl on his face. Seeing him after so many years makes Yumeri Senne’s heart leap and burn and break all at the same time. The man in front of her isn’t the deadpanned, socially stunted troublemaker in high school anymore, he is now 6 feet 2 inches of charge and calm. “He told me where he lived before he passed out.” 

The elevator almost clasps with Yumeri still in the middle, but she jams the open button so hard she is sure her nails chipped. But that is the least of her concern. If things hadn't ended awkwardly back in the days, she would have run up to him and hugged him like an old friend. She would bury her face in his shoulder and bathe in the scent she has longed for so many years. She would have found warmth, right here, just as she wishes. Instead, she stands frozen, unsure where to put her limbs. Kageyama doesn’t wait for her response, he half-shoves, half-carries Evan into the elevator without another word.

-


	2. rooming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eight million people in the most populous city, passing, shoving, running by each other. Eight million people searching for something, someone, somewhere all at the same time. Eight million people, and Kageyama finds Yumeri Senne, the girl he’s tried so hard to forget, in the elevator, on the first night of his stay.

Kageyama Tobio doesn’t know an elevator ride to the 5th floor would take a century. 

He has flown 6,000 miles for nothing else but volleyball but in his mind a voice nags,  _ you know she’s somewhere in this city.  _ His common sense assures that New York City is a big place, what are the chances? Eight million people in the most populous city, passing, shoving, running by each other. Eight million people searching for something, someone, somewhere all at the same time. Eight million people, and Kageyama finds Yumeri Senne, the girl he’s tried so hard to forget, in the elevator, on the first night of his stay. 

_ Fuck me _ , he wants to whisper under his breath. He makes sure he stands a few feet away from the fidgeting girl and forbids himself from staring. As if being too close, he’d never want to leave again. 

With the corner of his eyes, he drinks in all the changes in a body he once was so familiar with. She has grown out her dyed streaks, her hair is now jet-black, something Kageyama has always fantasized. Her features are sharper, now, losing the chubbiness in her face. He pouts in disappointment. She hasn’t grown too much in terms of height, though, so he still towers over her like a streetlight. And her eyes are black still, not settling for any other color less than the quiet and dark determination. 

Evan stirs next to him, gibberish dribbles down his mouth. This random American guy, who insists on buying drinks for the Japanese national team in honor of their recent victory at the World Cup, clearly underestimates the group of tall asian athletes’ ability to chug down shots. Kageyama has strategically made sure he doesn’t drink much, so it falls on him to take this overly passionate American home. He mourns the alone time he has planned for the rest of the night, but he is not so sure about it now. 

Kageyama hasn’t yet decided if he likes this rendezvous or not, so he settles on,  _ the universe works in mysterious ways _ .

“What are you doing in New York?” Senne-san finally says, breaking the god-awful silence. 

“A retreat.” Kageyama notices how poorly Senne-san chews on her Japanese and finds it all very charming. It has been five years after all, since she packs and leaves the island behind, along with its language and its people, and  _ him.  _

“How long have you been here?” 

“I landed this morning.” 

“Hmm.” 

If Kageyama had known better, he would have stricken another conversation to alleviate this stealthy awkwardness between them. But he never knows better. Surely Senne-san will be understanding. He racks his brain just trying to figure out what words to utter next. Everything tastes weird in his mouth, so he swallows all of them. 

Finally the elevator stops, the door swings open to reveal another door at the corner. 

Senne-san pushes the door open with her shoulder and makes way for the staggering drunkard and his caretaker, “Second room to the left.” 

Kageyama catches her eyes for a brief second before she turns away to close the door. He doesn’t know much about what she was feeling, back then and now, but he knows something is up. Had he known better, he would’ve figured out how distressed she is seeing him again after 5 years. But, again, he doesn’t know any better and all he wants is to lose this extra 80 kg of alcohol and gibberish. 

He tucks Evan into the futon and closes the door behind him, carefully not to wake the other person in the room. He finds Senne-san in the living room, stirring a mug blankly with a sleepy look about her.

Noticing his lurking presence, she holds up the mug, “Tea?” 

“Uh... I better head back.” 

Senne-san pauses for a bit and reaches for the remote control to turn on the TV. The blond reporter is struggling to stand upright in the snow, shouting warnings over the wind, “... strongly recommended to stay home... the storm could go on for the entire weekend...” 

“Not in this weather. How you get here is already a mystery.” She breathes, pushing the mug across the kitchen island. “Welcome to New York.” 

The way she cups the mug between her interlocked fingers sends Kageyama back to when he first reached for her hands. His palms sweaty as if on cue. The memory finds him frowning as he stares at her fingers. 

“What?” Her fingers retract and find their ways to pull her hair out of her face. 

“But I have training the day after.” 

She shrugs, “Let’s see if tomorrow gets better.” 

“So I stay here?” Unsure if that is the best idea. He assumes the last person Senne-san wants around right now is him. 

“There’s a futon in my room. I don’t want Nikki to freak out over a stranger on the couch.” 

He is taken aback at her newfound forwardness. The Senne-san he knows blushes at any attempt to flirt but tries to hide it under an extrovert facade. But now she invites him to stay the night without even so much as a gleam of pink nervousness in her.  _ Is that how Americans work?  _

“There’s nothing more to it, Kageyama. I’m just allowing you to crash here so you don’t die out in the streets. It’s too cold to be walking outside.” She reads his mind, as usual, rolling her eyes and puffing the steam in the tea. “Come on.” The steam lingers in the air for a bit -- unseen but felt, like something unsaid, something unheard. 

Kageyama picks up the pink mug and sips, careful not to burn his tongue, and tails the woman down the hallway. Heat rises up in his neck when he enters her room, feeling like an unwarranted intruder. He remembers her room back in the days, always kind of messy, scattered books and magazines everywhere. He has always been the only one who would clean up after her mess and she would brighten up, giving him the widest smile -- a smile her face almost fails to contain. He stops himself right there before he delves in too deep. Enough memories. The room before him is squeaky clean, resembling so much of his own back in Tokyo. Empty, too. He wonders what happened to the sloppy girl he knew back in high school. 

When he snaps back to himself, she is pulling a T-shirt and a pair of sweatpants out of the bottom of her drawer. Then she busies herself with dusting a blanket. She catches him staring and frowns a bit, barely enough for Kageyama to notice, then she tosses the clothes to him. “I’m not sure the size fits. But you’re not sleeping in my room smelling like liquor.” 

Kageyama sniffs. He does smell like alcohol. 

“The bathroom is outside.” She instructs even though Kageyama spots her own bathroom when he follows her into the room.  _ Fair enough. Good choice _ .  _ Always good to keep a distance.  _ “Call out if you need help.” 

He nods and steps out to shower, thinking about all the times he wanted to call out but didn't because she wasn't around to help anymore . 


	3. first contact

Yumeri Senne cannot believe this is happening. 

She splashes water over her face for the fifth time, dazed from the lack of sleep and the heat sprawling over all her body. The water goes off, and she stares into the mirror. The look of helplessness feels foreign on her eyes. 

_ Fuck!  _

She doesn’t have the energy to question God, nor the courage to resent Him for bringing Kageyama Tobio and the snowstorm on the same  _ fucking _ day. 

It’s only one night... or two. It will be like a small reunion. She can ask about how the others are doing. How he is doing, if she really wants to know. 

For God’s sake! It has to be Kageyama Tobio, out of billions of people. This Kageyama Tobio? 

She turns off the faucet and heads back to her desk, too sober to go back to sleep now. She moves the futon to the other side of the room, away from her bed, away from her comfort zone. It is not necessary to see him asleep for the rest of the night (or morning), she doesn’t think her heart is built for this. 

Before she can move the couch even further, the infamous Kageyama Tobio enters the room with his hair damp, steam circling his body. Yumeri makes sure her glance doesn’t linger on how the T-shirt fits a bit too tightly on his broad shoulders, much broader than she remembers.

“Where did you get a man's T-shirt and sweatpants?” 

“A guy I dated for a while left them here and he never bothered to collect them.” 

“I’m wearing your ex’s clothes.” He grimaces, his entire body tenses.    
  


“It’s better than smelling like alcohol and cigarettes.” She spits, turning away so he doesn’t see her clinch her jaws.

“I’d really rather not.” He says under his breath. She almost wants to shut him up, so the confusion can stop torturing her. 

“You can crash there.” She points at the now afar futon. 

“It was there before I left for a shower.” He points out, gesturing at where it once was. “Now it’s right next to the window. It will get cold, you know that right?” 

“You have a blanket.” Yumeri plans to leave today’s conversation at that. 

The high school friends go to their respective beds for the night, feeling weird in their bodies. Both forgetting what they really want to say. Yumeri holds tight on the comforter and shuts her eyes tightly, trying not to think about Kageyama on the other corner of the room. 

“How’s life here?” He finally asks. 

Yumeri knows he must have churned on this question ever since the elevator ride. It is amazing he could hold it for so long. 

She wants to spill the entire truth. To tell him everything, every little detail. How she broke the heater on her first week and spent the unforgiving autumn with her bones shivering. And that time when she finally found her favorite bagel store; how that cheered her up for an entire month. Or that time when she interviewed Kirch Kiraly and forgot how to speak for a whole minute. (he was kind enough to let it slide). And most importantly, how she misses home and high school and...  _ him _ . How she misses lying on the grass with him, watching the clouds and mostly watching him fidget with a volleyball. How she misses breaking up Hinata's and his childish banter. How he pulled her into his arms as she incessantly sobbed when they lost their final competition, him crying as well but less dramatically. 

But she doesn’t. 

“Fine.” She turns over and slaps the lights off, remorseful that the answer comes out too harsh. “Good night.” 

But sleep is still a long way from Yumeri Senne. Maybe it is because of him, appearing in the middle of the night, looking as intense as ever, she cannot stop playing back to every moment she holds dear. These are the memories reserved for the worst nights of trembling, self-loath, and borderline suicidal thoughts. Although they are just as bad as the medicines with side-effects, the undertones of sadness aren’t chaotic. They are just  _ bittersweet. _

  
  


She cannot stop thinking back on the last day they saw each other. If she had been more gentle with him on the day of graduation, maybe they would have been less awkward today. Maybe they would have been at least warm to each other. But how in the world is she supposed to know they will run into each other on this particular stormy night? If she had known their paths would cross in the future, she wouldn't have… Would she? Ugh, the way he looks at her just now, it is as if he doesn’t remember how it ends. Who is she kidding? He only has one thing on his mind, he certainly does not spare too much thought on her. 

She tosses and turns, tries different postures and even mats a pillow under her waist, but nothing guides her to sleep. Perhaps it is the way her heart constantly drums on her rib cage that keeps her up. 

“Did you see my last game?” He suddenly asks, nearly giving Yumeri a heart attack.   
  


She steadies her voice, “Yes.” She could have said no. “For work.” 

“Ushijima did great.” 

Sometimes she really doesn’t know what goes on in his head. 

“Yes.” 

“Did you visit Japan?” 

“Yes, twice.” 

“You didn’t tell me.” 

“You were busy. I saw Yamaguchi and Tsukishima once.” 

“Hinata?” 

“He asked but our schedule didn’t work out.” 

“You could’ve asked me.” 


	4. breakup & an offer

“You know why I didn’t.” she mutters to herself, but he hears it as clear as day. To be frank, he doesn’t know, for sure. But he has some theories. 

Yumeri Senne broke up with him on the day of graduation. She has always been the kind of girl who follows through with her determination. He remembers a shaky smile on her lips, a smile sharper than bomb debris. When it comes to breaking up with Kageyama, she went all in. If he remembers right, she fumbled with the excuse of a long distance relationship. He knew this day would come. Yumeri Senne, even back in high school, belongs in a different world. When he first saw her, towering over Hitoka Yachi with not a shade of coyness on her face, he knew she was no ordinary Japanese high school student. He knows their short-lived relationship would be cut short by her moving across the globe to follow her dreams. There isn’t a future for her in Japan, not with her poor Japanese and her frustration of never blending in. When she finally broke it to Kageyama, he felt relieved first, to his surprise. The last few months of watching her conflict over her dream and their relationship was insufferable and he never wants to see her hide behind her unattainable thoughts,  _ ever again _ . He figures the smart thing to do is to let her go. So he saves all the devastation and ache locked away in his room. 

The breakup still came too quickly for his liking, though. He had planned out the entire summer, only to realize that he was going to spend the summer alone in volleyball practices. So instead of arguing, he said  _ okay _ , masking his reluctance under an air of nonchalance, to make it less painful for her.  _ Anything _ , he thought.  _ Anything to make her feel better.  _

So maybe that is it. Staying away from her does make her feel better. And now he is here, it is not hard to see the agitation behind her civility. 

His heart clutches at the thought so he shuts his eyes harder. The conversation can end here. 

  
  


Kayegama Tobio wakes up at 6:34, his entire body shivering in the cold. He gets out of bed and glances over at Senne-san. Her bed looks exceptionally cozy, the real warmth. If only he can slide in. 

He shakes away the thought and sits in front of the heater, dozing off against the wall as the warmth tingles up his finger tips, his limbs, his torso.  _ Ah, so much better. _

When he wakes up again, he is draped in a heavy blanket and he is sure he dreamed about descending to hell. His face heats up, unsure if it was because of the scorching warmth or the realization that Senne-san woke up to wrap her comforter around him. He glances at his phone across the room for the time and jumps. It is already well past noon. 

Where is Senne-san anyway? Before he can orient himself in her room, the door bursts wide open. 

“Yo, Tobio!” the blond yells. He walks into the room as if it was his own and slaps Kageyama on his back, a little bit too hard. “Thanks for last night, I owe you.” Then he wriggles his brow, “Or do  _ you _ owe me?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He says, rubbing the soreness on his shoulder. 

Evan doesn’t push it, but he grins, “Come on, Nikki whipped us up some pasta.” 

“Where’s Senne-san?” he wonders. 

“She’s working. She’ll join us later.” Evan reassures and gestures at the chair on the island, so Kageyama sits. 

“Good morning, sunshine!” Nikkie practically shouts over the sound of stove fire. Evan flinches, rubbing his temples as if her voice drills into his head. “Thanks so much for bringing Evan home last night!” 

“The hangover, honey.” 

“Deal with it,  _ honey _ . What did I say about drinking in the middle of the week?” The couple quickly descended into a noisy banter about drinking and other trivial domestic matters.    
  


Kageyama glimpses at the brunette over the kitchen island and wonders how Senne-san puts up with the extravagant energy. Before he can utter another word, a black creature leaps onto the counter, swaying its tails against Kageyama’s cheeks. He flinches so hard he almost falls off the chair. He doesn’t hate animals, they just don't like him in general. The creature mewls in protest of his tenseness, sniffing him in suspicion. 

“You naughty cat.” Evan chides fondly and carries the cat down from Kageyeama, shooing it off. “Sorry about it, she’s a bit of a snob.” 

Yumeri, in contrast, loves every animal she sees. Kageyama remembers waiting on the sidewalk for his girlfriend to stop petting the purring street cat, a tinge of sourness filling up his chest. He shrugs off the nostalgia and thinks how lucky this cat is to have Senne-san’s continuous devotion and affection.  _ Must he always be jealous of cats?  _

“I must ask, Tobio.” Nikki turns around and puts down the bowl of pasta. “Are we going to hear about what went down with Yumeri?” 

He almost chokes on his own saliva, coughing and glaring at the nosy couple. How long has he known them? He checks the clock on the wall, _ less than five minutes _ , and they are already poking their unsuspecting noses in his private business.  _ Is that how Americans work? Is this what Yumeri had to deal with all her life?  _

“No.” 

The couple deflates like two balloons, “That’s what Yumeri said.” 

Nikki recovers faster than her boyfriend, who is already sitting on the floor, burying his face in the poor cat like a big toddler. Now that Kageyama has the chance to see Evan behind the alcohol, he reminds him of Bokuto. He winces and decides to put the thought of his loud teammate away. “Lemme guess. High school sweethearts.” 

Kageyama frowns again, trying to rack up his vocabulary but is found as confused as ever. 

Seeing the language barrier, Nikki repeats, “You were in a relationship with Yumeri in high school.” 

Is it that obvious? Nikki has not even seen them together in the same room. 

She reveals a triumphant grin, “The way you flinch at the mention of her name, bingo. She dumped you?” He glowers at the oblivious brunette, the scowl on his face more intimidating, but they are too proud of themselves to notice.

Right now, his feet ache to be away just as his fingers always ache for volleyball. Speaking of, he fishes out his dying phone and cringes at the hundred of missed calls from Ushijima. It isn’t like they were best friends or anything. But with a setter gone, it’d be hard for the team to practice. “Excuse me.” He mumbles and reveres at the chance to be away from the prying duo. 

“Where the hell are you?” comes Ushijima’s calm voice. 

“I got stuck in the snow storm on my way back.” 

“So police station, then?” 

“No, that American’s apartment.” 

“Right, you do remember there’s an interview on Monday.” 

Kageyama assures him that he remembers. It is hard to forget as Bokuto could not shut up about it last night. Ushijima hangs up without saying goodbye -- the way their conversations always go: terse, quiet and begging to be done. They are men of few words, unlike Hinata and Bokuto. 

“Was that Ushiwaka?” Senne-san appears before him. As hard as she tries to hide it, Kageyama sees a flicker of reminiscence in those dark eyes. 

He nods before another call interrupts his brain from squeezing one more sentence to say to Senne-san. Without looking at the phone, he picks it up. 

“Kageyama!” erupts the phone. He cringes at the volume and frowns when he realizes the phone is one adjustment from being muted. “Where are you?” 

“I literally just told Ushijima.” 

“He said you’re at some random guy’s house!” the caller whines. “I thought you’re kidnapped and he was just too calm about it.” 

“I sent Evan… that American from last night home and got stuck because of the snowstorm.” he explains, eyeing Senne-san. Her eyes brightens, a rare sight for Kageyama. Of course she knows who the caller was.

“Oh, thank god you’re okay.” 

“Of course I’m fine, dumbass.” he rolls his eyes but watches as Senne-san slinks over to the counter to make another cup of tea. Kageyama wonders if she wants to talk to the hyperactive ball of energy. Without thinking too much, he holds the phone away from him for a moment, speaking directly to Senne-san, “Senne, you want to talk to Hinata?” 

She turns around, glares at him, her face completely blanched. It takes him another second to realize what he has done wrong. Her sigh morphs into a strained smile and she shakes her head, “I’ll call him when I have more time to talk. I have some work to do.” 

The phone explodes in Hinata and Bokuto’s shriek of curiosity. He doesn’t realize the phone would be on speaker, so he struggles through the next three minute of two idiots competing who could yell WHO IS IT louder. Bokuto even switches to English and starts yelling “Hoot is it?”, laughing at his not-so clever pun. Yumeri Senne disappears into the room, looking sullen.   
  


_ Is she angry?  _ She can’t be, right? She smiled at him. 

When he first met her, standing tall behind Hitoka Yachi, he found himself wondering if she was in a bad mood. Behind the bland face and hooded eyes, there seemed to be a vacancy of where young vigority should be. It’s as if she’s hiding a much older version of herself in the young body of a 16-year-old. As they grew closer, he realized Yumeri Senne just doesn’t smile a lot, not sincerely at least. He remembers the first time he caught her smiling for real- a twitch of her lips behind the back of her hand. In time, he learned to recognize  _ fake  _ and  _ real.  _ When she really,  _ really _ smiles, her dark eyes crinkle, lines appear at the edge of her feline eyes. These smiles are reserved for the worthy ones. Kageyama likes to think he was one of them. But after all these years, he isn’t quite sure. But just now, she smiled at him. It had seemed sincere. So she can’t be angry, right? 

He makes some excuses to end the phone call, leaving the caller wailing before the line is cut. 

“Women, hard to understand, aren’t they?” Evan cocks up his eyebrows. 

_ Wait, what?  _ Kageyama stares at Evan for a second, “What?” 

Nikki shoots them a look from behind, “If you tell me what happened before, I might be able to help you figure it out.” 

_ Figure out what? Does this mean he did something wrong? _ __  
  


Now the offer sounds alluring. 


	5. thinking back

What is she so angry about? Sometimes Yumeri doesn’t know. Emotions rise in her, leaving her in no control of this chaos. She buries herself in the pillow, trying to calm down a bit. Maybe if she thinks straight, she can piece together what she is feeling. It is frustrating that even if she is the one who broke up with him, she is the one who is still hurting. It isn’t fair. The fact that he can show up here and include her in his phone call like he doesn’t remember the heartbreak — or perhaps his heart is never broken over their split. 

On that graduation day, she pulled Kageyama away from his usual quarrel with Hinata and fidgeted as she tried to explain why she thought breaking up was best. His face was unreadable, so she fixed her attention on his hands. But they were steady, shoved his pockets when she thought they should be shaking. The more she revealed the struggle that led up to her final decision, the more insecure and unsure she felt. There was no sign of reluctance, no fight left in him. It sent her into a spiral of questioning whether this was a mutual agreement after all. Maybe he thought it best, too. Maybe he was so fixated on his path, he knew too that she would ultimately be in the way. That must be what he thinks, right? Right? 

When she finished her well-rehearsed speech, all he had to say was “Okay.” 

_ Okay _ . 

And then he left, his hands still in his pockets. 

At first she felt… frustrated. This frustration boiled and became anger, morphed into rage and finally,  _ finally _ , evaporated into a formidable wave of sadness. She couldn’t control her tears anymore, so she stood behind the office and ached until the sun set, until the tears dry and until emptiness was all she had. She wondered if he had cared about her at all. She understood that he isn’t someone who wears his emotions on his sleeves. But seeming so aloof about their doomed relationship suggests that maybe he never cared as she had imagined he had. 

It is understandable she carried this bland anger for five years. It is obvious, right? Then why does he seem so clueless all the time? Like he wasn't there when they broke up. But it is five years ago, afterall. Maybe he has forgotten. Holy shit, Yumeri doesn’t even ask if he is seeing someone else. But she cannot start the conversation, now that every conversation causes her so much regret.

The first conversation they had was so much easier. 

It was another late night practice and Yumeri Senne was only there because Hinata Shoyou got down to his knees and begged her to help them with spiking practice. She had been in the club for only two weeks and although Hitoka had been kind, the boys still overwhelmed her — though she didn’t show. 

She watched them repeat the same thing for the hundredth time and wondered when they would get enough of it. They would curse when they fail, celebrate when they succeeded. Sometimes Kageyama Tobio would yell at Hinata Shouyou, sometimes the other way around. They didn’t look like friends, but their bond was sturdy. Sometimes she couldn’t hold back a smile. 

“Is that a smile?” Hinata stopped his run-up, staring at her. Embarrassed, she opened her mouth to protest. “I thought you’re like Kageyama!” 

“She’s nothing like me.” the taller boy looked offended, which offended her. 

She rolled her eyes and said, “It’s time to go.” before they get into another round of quarrel. 

To be honest, out of the two, she liked Hinata better. Perhaps it was because he spoke to her with more warmth than the quiet boy. She enjoyed his blabbering and enthusiasm. If she could, she’d love to have him as a brother. So, she was bummed when he announced that his house was in a different direction. 

“Make sure you get her home safe, Kageyama.” Hinata reminded him before he biked away. 

“I know, dumbass.” Kageyama scowled. 

And she found herself walking with this intense boy, both not knowing what to say to each other. 

“Do you play volleyball?” he broke the silence in a stilted manner. She looked at him as if she saw a ghost. Frankly, she was expecting a quiet walk home. “You seem to know the rules pretty well.” 

“Yeah.” she admitted. “I played before.” 

“What position?” 

An awkward grimace appeared on her face, “Setter.” 

“What?” his eyes lit up. Volleyball really was the only thing he cared about. “Why did you stop?” 

“I move around too much to stay in a team.” she said, “and there always are better setters.” 

“Move around?” Could he really be curious about something other than volleyball? 

“Yeah. I had been in 5 different elementary schools and two junior high schools.” she said, “I just moved here. I’m in no rush to join a team.”  _ And in a hell of a lot of rush to try to get away from this place.  _

“Are you not… Japanese?” 

“Half.” she said, “I’m surprised you didn’t notice my horrible Japanese.”   
  


“It did feel a little bit out of place sometimes.” he admitted and she almost laughed. “What’s the other half?” 

“American.” 

“What?” 

“Asian American,” she elaborated but she didn’t expect the elaboration would make any more sense than just  _ American _ . So she spent some time explaining her origins. Where her parents come from, how they met, how life was in other asian countries, how life was in the US. The conversation then arrived at how he never grasped the English subject, she spent some time explaining the grammar concept and gave up when he still looked as confused as the time she had started. She could hardly hold back her smiles now and she was sure she caught a few smirks from the deadpan boy. By the time they reached her house, they were talking about how insecure she felt about studying in Karasuno. She couldn’t fit in, not once everyone knew she wasn’t born Japanese. It was more like a monologue, to be exact, he barely had anything to say. He just listened as she struggled with expressing these doubts in Japanese. 

“Sorry.” she apologized. “That’s a lot to dump on you.” 

He shrugged, “I don’t mind.” 

It is so easy to talk to someone who listened. She is sure he didn’t fully understand her half of the time, but at least he listened and tried his best to utter useless feedback that made her chuckle. Maybe she likes going to Karasuno after all. 

The memory still tastes sweet and Yumeri will give anything to go back, instead of living in this awkward situation of frustration and self-blame. 


	6. memories

Kageyama never realizes explaining relationships in English would be so difficult. After all, he learnt English for coordinating with foreign teammates, not relationship counseling sessions. 

“And that’s it.” he finishes telling them how they got together and how they eventually split. 

“You really have no idea why she’s mad at you?” Evan raises his eyebrows. He does that throughout Kageyama’s story and to be frank, Kageyama is kind of triggered. 

“No.” he says. “Why should she be angry? She’s not angry, is she?”

Evan sighs, “Trust me, she definitely is angry at you for showing up.” Kageyama shoots him a glare. It is because of this unguarded blond that he shows up at this apartment. 

“Were you not angry that she broke it off?” Nikki interrupts, still not explaining to Kageyama how Senne-san is angry this whole time.   
  


“Angry, no.” he chews on it for a while and the couple lets him, refraining from asking too many questions. “It wasn’t ideal but I understand.” 

“Understatement of the year.” Evan mutters under his breath. Kageyama doesn’t understand but he stops himself from asking. 

But it is really an understatement. He still remembers how painful it was, staring down at Yumeri, who struggled to explain why she thought breaking up was best. He couldn’t find words to articulate what he was feeling, given he was never remotely articulate. It was as if his heart was hit by Asahi’s spike, even Nishinoya wouldn’t be able to receive the force. He felt like tossing a ball only for the spiker to miss completely. He felt like his legs could move no more, he felt like watching the set go to the other team. He doesn’t understand any of it. He doesn’t understand why chasing their dreams would require ending their budding relationship. He doesn’t understand why long distance couldn’t work. No matter how far they are, it is not like he will suddenly love her less. But he didn’t say anything.

As if on cue, Nikki asks, “Why didn’t you tell her you didn’t like the breakup?” 

“Because she must have thought it through.” It is the truth. Outside of volleyball, Kageyama doesn’t know a lot. Yumeri is definitely more well-versed in relationships, if she thinks it wouldn’t work, then it cannot work. Who is he to argue? He has no better arguments, no other reasons. She must have thought it through, right? 

Evan sighs again, condescending, “So you let her go without a fight.”

“I didn’t want to fight her.” he shrugs. Kageyama is a simple man. An ask must be followed by an answer. “I don’t understand why it wouldn’t work, but if she asked to break up, I don’t have any choice but to say  _ okay _ .” 

“So you think it’s for her sake that you just let go.” 

He contemplates this for another thirty second. The air is completely still, “Isn’t it?” Now he is starting to doubt himself and he really doesn’t like that. He watches the clock, wondering when Senne-san will come out of her room so this conversation can end early. 

“I pity Yumeri, having to deal with this idiot.” Nikki says, completely ignoring Kageyama’s glare. Honestly, what is wrong with this blunt couple? He has only known them for less than a day and they talk to him like they were lifelong friends. 

“Kageyama, I hate to break it to you.” Evan puts his hand on Kageyama’s shoulder. “You. Are. Dense.” 

_ What?  _

“Which makes you a horrible boyfriend, and a worst communicator.” Nikki agrees. 

Kageyama has been called horrible many times before, mostly by Hinata. But never outrageously by two strangers at their own apartment. 

“Excuse me?” 

“If you didn’t want to break up, you should have just shut her up with a kiss, you know?” Evan suggests. “Take it from the perfect boyfriend.” 

“That’s too...” Kageyama fails to find a better adjective to replace  _ American _ . The couple’s giggle doesn’t stop him from remembering that May afternoon. 

Senne-san was helping Kageyama with his English exam, until he had had enough and pouted until she agreed to practice volleyball with him. Despite her argument about how long she hadn’t played, he dragged her along and found themselves on the court. 

“I’m not even dressed for this.” She complained. 

“All you need to do is toss the ball to me.” He said. “That’s not a lot.” He ignored her when she wrinkled her nose, looking away because it was too endearing. 

So they practiced for a while until she couldn’t take it anymore, “Kageyama, you need to pass this English test to go to Tokyo. Do you remember?” 

He froze, the ball dropped, “...yes.” 

“I know volleyball is important to you,” she continued. “But there are things you need to do, even if you don’t like them.” She bent down to pick up the balls, “It’s not like you can’t pass, it’s just that you…” just as she reached for the last one, Kageyama made sure he grabbed it away from her before she could reach it. The almost twenty centimeter height difference had its merits. Annoyed, she tipped her toes to reach for it once more. But he raised it up in the sky and taunted, even though his face didn’t betray mischief. 

“Kageyama, knock it out.” She reached again, pulling his arm down but years of being a setter ensured he could restrain an angry tiny girl. 

“Just one more ball.” 

“No! If you’re not going to study, I’m going home. Put the ball back.” 

“Come on, just one more.” He switched the ball from his left hand to his right, raising it out of reach. If he wasn’t having so much fun, he’d realize the girl was clinging to him too closely. With another jump, attempting to pat the ball out of his hands, Senne lost balance and dived face first into his chest. He steadied her with his free hand and blushed, finally realizing that this felt exactly like a hug. 

She bounced back, “You know what! Forget it, Kageyama. I’m going home, I have my own midterms, too, you know?” 

For whatever reasons, Kageyama thought this was the right time to shoot his shot. To make a move so whatever friendship they had built could blossom into something more. Before this moment, watching the girl huff and puff in frustration, he never knew he wanted more. It was the first time he wanted something other than volleyball, and he couldn’t wait to tell her. To show her. 

So the following string of actions flowed through him as if he’d practiced this a hundred times. He dropped the ball, reached for Yumeri Senne’s hand before she turned around and pulled her in close, another hand clasping the lower part of her tiny waist. He thought he had done this perfectly, but somewhere along the movements, he fucked up so he fell butt first onto the floor and dragged the poor girl with him. 

Yumeri sat up and attempted to leave again, only to have Kageyama hold her hand tighter, “Wait.” 

“What?” She frowned, tugging at her own hand and trying to escape him. “What do you want?” 

At the age of sixteen, he really didn’t know how to be smooth. After all, he was socially awkward, at best. So a loser like him, he said, “you...” 

“What?” 

“Stay longer and help me.” 

There was a lilting smile on the corners of her lips, trembling and failing to hold in laughter. She somehow found Kageyama’s discomfort funny. It was as if she forgot they were in a compromising position — she was sitting on his lap and he was trying to not fall back on the floor. But hearing her laugh, the embarrassment was lifted and a grin appeared on his face. At that moment, all he could stare at was her lips. So driven out of pure instinct, he grabbed onto her hands again, this time much gentle. He pulled her closer and pressed his lips against hers, timidly. At first she made a noise only a frightened cat could make, but as the initial tension passed, he felt her weight sink into his. 

He couldn’t believe they were kissing. It felt... well, to be honest, wet. But her lips were so soft, the muscle around his cheeks knew only to pull back and beam. He pulled away to take a long look, absorbing this moment and how pleasant and happy and surprised she looked. Her hands found his nape and this time it was her who pulled him in for a second round. In between more kisses, their hands pulled each other closer until there was no more space between them. He gasped for air and ran his hand through her hair. She leaned into the space between his neck and shoulder and whispered, “Is this a trick to get out of English tutoring?” 

He grinned, exclusively for her, “Does it work?” 

She frowned, “Honestly, Kageyama. What makes you think...” Her bickering was cut short but a deafening and very much unnecessary scream. 

“KAGEYAMA?” Hinata cried, seeing the intimate scene. 

Sometimes he wondered if he should just kill Hinata and dump him in a river. 

“Kageyama?” Evan waves his hand before him, trying to catch his attention and Kageyama snaps back to the present. “Lost in good memories?” 

“No,” he lies. “Should I go check on Senne-san then?” 


	7. conversation #1

Yumeri is trying to jot some ideas down for the interview coming up next week. She is to interview a rising tennis player and she needs to watch all his games to come up with questions the audience craves to know. Another part is that work distracts her from whatever Kageyama is doing with her flatmates. Certainly nothing she likes. She wishes she can restrain him on the sofa and forbid him to talk to the prying couple. But that is certainly inhumane. 

_ Agh, what is she even thinking about?  _

She shakes her head and prepares to focus on her work until a knock literally knocks her out of the zone. The knocker doesn’t even wait for her to respond to get in. 

It is the least person she would like to see. 

“What do you want, Kageyama?” She says, stitching a gentle smile on her face. Back in high school, he’s always answered this question perfectly. 

_ You, you, always you.  _

Sometimes it was volleyball, but she was okay with volleyball being the side bitch. 

“Could I talk to you for a second?” 

“What about?” 

“You.” 

She drops her pen and stares. After all this time?

“Did Nikki put you up to this?” she feigns an exasperated smirk, “I swear to God...”

“Please... just hear me out.” He pleads. 

So she lets him, but her smile has worn off. 

“I...” he says. “I don’t know if we’re ever going to see each other again so I want to set this straight.” 

Her heart clutches. So that is what he thinks. That she doesn’t want to see him again. True, she doesn’t want him close but unable to talk about the weight pressing her heart, she would rather he stayed away. Seeing him like this, however, she knows she wants him here — now that he shows that he cares, even just a little. That is enough for her to go on. The promise that he would care. 

“I didn’t want to break up.” He says. 

She takes a shaky breath. 

“I never wanted to. I just thought...” he shuts his eyes. “I thought that was what you wanted...” 

“Why are you talking about this all of a sudden?” she tried to laugh it off, “it’s ages ago…” 

“I thought I understood you. I thought if I trusted you, you wouldn’t wind up hurt. But yes, I could’ve told you that I didn’t want to. So you were wrong. You were wrong that we wouldn’t work. Honestly I don’t understand why long distance doesn’t work for us. I mean, look at me. Without you, there’s only volleyball in my life.” 

“And your rivalry with Shouyou .” 

He chuckles, “Ah yes.” 

“You didn’t need me around but I needed you around more than you could possibly imagine, Tobio.” The walls around her melt and reveal what she is — brutally honest and serious, her practiced smile gone. 

He loses his words. 

She laughs, “See, I was right.” 

“No.” He stammers, reaching for her hand again but she moves away. “Hey, I’m sorry for not thinking this over... I... damn, how did they talk me into this? I should have thought it through. I...” 

She smirks at his ramble, kindly. “Kageyama, it’s okay.” 

“Why were you so angry then?” He meets her eyes. “I mean, they said you were angry. I just... I don’t understand why.”

“Because you said  _ okay _ just like that. I thought you’d fight, at least. And just now, you acted like nothing happened between us on the phone with Hinata. It’s like you just conveniently forgot we have a thing back then. It’s like it doesn’t matter to you. It’s like you don’t care.” She sits back down on her desk and shrugs. “But I’m sorry I took it out on you, it  _ was  _ five years ago…” 

“Hey, I do care. More than…” 

_Right._ “More than you let on.” Yumeri finishes the sentence for him and they exchange a look of understanding. She has lost faith in him too quickly. She knows who Tobio was, how he expresses his emotions. And a simple _okay_ wipes away all the progress they made. 

He looks away, his face burning crimson, “Did you have any boyfriends after me?” 

“A few.” She admits. What can she say? She needs company, she needs to find pieces of him in other men’s arms. She stops herself from throwing the question back, unsure if she would like to hear it. 

His face crushes. 

“None of them are very serious anyway.” She adds. And like that, he brightens up a bit. A simple man. 

“Is it okay if I kiss you now?” He asks, inching closer until his knees are against the bed. He reminds her of a younger Kageyama, young, blunt and in love. 

“Kageyama...” she sighs. “I...” Honestly she wants to push him down right here, right now. To take everything that belongs to her ex off him and spend the next few days glued to this bed, to each other, drowning in kisses and whispers of sweet nothings. But what will that lead to? Heartbreak after he leaves, finding the other side of her bed empty. Catching glimpses of him in the athletes she interviews. Screwing up her sleep schedules just to hear his voice, to see his sleep-deprived face but always unable to hold him, to kiss him, to make love to him. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” 

He looks like a kicked puppy, “I...I don’t understand why we can’t be together. I could...” 

“Don’t be stupid.” She stops him, knowing he wants to suggest moving all the way to New York for her. Her fingers brush away the strands of his hair on his forehead, so she can see his eyes better. And right now his gaze burns into her skin -- a fierce adamance, a forlorn resistance. “You wouldn’t. And I wouldn’t trade my work for you either. We would grow old resenting each other.” 

“I want you.” 

_ I want you, too.  _ But instead she settles for, “I always thought maybe if I was a little bit more like Hitoka-san, we would work out just fine. I would be in Tokyo and I would have you all to myself.” 

“I love you.” 

“Kageyama.” 

“I miss you.” 

She knows too well what this is — his version of being unreasonably affectionate. He gets so close that she is backed into the edge of her bed, her breath getting heavier. 

“I’m serious.” 

“If we’re not going to see each other again, would you please just let me kiss you one last time?” 

“Kageyama, I’m serious...” but she finds herself leaning in as well, watching his lips. She grabs his collar and their lips meet. The last time they kissed, it was subdued, innocent. Today it is rushed, passionate, full of desire and nostalgia. They collaspe onto the bed and let things play out. 


	8. staying longer

By the time he comes to his senses, Senne is asleep in his arms and he is in her bed. At least tonight Kageyama won’t freeze to death. Her shoulders are bare, shivering, because the comforter falls short to cover her back. He pulls a strand of her hair out of her face and ponders on kissing her. But it will be at the expense of waking her up and she is already getting too little sleep. Instead he shares his portion of the blanket, wrapping her fully into the warmth. Perhaps tonight he will freeze to death, too, but it will be worth it. 

He puts his arms around her. His fingers find the back of her head as he brings himself closer, until he can feel her even breaths on his sternum. Stroking her hair, he slowly falls asleep as well. 

The next time he wakes up, it is already early morning. Out the window, the sky is clear. He almost feels disappointed that the storm has ended. New Yorkers have woken up to good weather, so there isn’t any other excuse but to go to work. The rumble of metropolitan traffic attests to that. His hand reaches for the empty space beside him and sighs. Yumeri has already left, the trace of her warmth gone but the scent lingers. He buries his head into the bedsheet, hoping he can freeze this moment in a snowball, surrounded by nothing but her room, her scent, her love. 

The door opens and enters the woman he’s been thinking about, already dressed for work, “I got you a Lyft.” 

“It’s 8.” he groans, “Can’t I stay a little longer?” 

She bites back a smile but her eyes are sad. Stepping forward to touch his face, “I have to go to work. Also, Shouyou wants you back.” 

He leans into her touch and wraps himself tighter in the comforter for warmth. Drinking in how she looks in the daylight, his heart flusters and he can feel the tension build up between his eyebrows. Yumeri’s hair is straightened, like ink dripping over a parchment. The slanted morning light captures glimmers on her hair, begging to be caressed. He can’t tell if there is makeup on her or not, but as she stares at him in those defined feline eyes, he can hardly breathe. A dark grey sweater drapes around her body. The golden necklaces on her chest jingle when she retracts her palm. She stands a few inches taller in her black boots, adjusting a pair of reading glasses settled on her head. 

“Kageyama, you’re staring.” She frowns. He softens the intensity between his brows and manages a heartfelt smile, “Hinata left a few frantic messages about you cutting slack.” 

That prick. Stealing away his precious time with Senne as usual. 

“But I blocked him yesterday.” Kageyama rises out of bed, picking up his abandoned boxers on the floor and reaches over for his phone. He blushes at his own nakedness and Senne averts her gaze, speculating her reading glasses like it is the most interesting thing in the world. 

“Yeah, so he called me.” she says, putting on the glasses and his heart almost leaps out of his chest at how elegant she looks, “Anyway, hurry up.” With that, she escapes the room as he dresses himself with a dreamy chuckle. 

_ If only this could happen every day.  _

  
  


He lounges on the couch as Senne rushes around the apartment to pack for work and replies to Hinata’s manic texts. Then he makes a phone call to their coach and their manager, apologizing. He swears to himself the next time he spends time with Senne, he will  _ accidentally  _ leave his phone at home. When he finally ends the phone call, he sinks into the couch, sighing.  _ Next time. Would there be a next time? _ _  
  
_

The phone rings again and he contemplates throwing his phone out the window. He picks up anyway. A loud voice assaults his ears, “TELL ME EVERYTHING.” 

“Did Hinata tell you?” he sighs. Why are his friends always so nosy?

“More or less,” Sugawara Koushi chuckles in his soft, melodic voice, “I mean, these things travel fast.” 

“Nothing much,” he deadpans, worried that Senne will piece together what they are gossiping about. Even though she is certainly more invested in her laptop than Kageyama’s meaningless chat. 

“Are you guys back together then?” Suga presses. 

Kageyama steals a glance at Senne, who is still oblivious to the conversation. “We haven’t talked about it.” 

The other end is quiet for a while, catching on the complexity of the situation, “So it’s a one night thing?” 

Heat rises from Kageyama’s neck to the top of his ears, “I…I don’t know yet.” 

“I hope not.” Suga says, almost to himself. Then his voice distances, “Yeah, yeah, would you like to… I am not… Daichi, I’m just saying hi. No, what? I am certainly not!”

The other end goes through something that sounds like a shuffle and a lower voice surfaces, “Kageyama, I hope Suga is not bothering you.” 

“Not… not really.” 

“Right. Congratulations on the recent game.” he says. Kageyama muses at the fact that Daichi Sawamura still sounds like a dad even after all these years. 

“Thanks.” 

“Say hi to Sen-chan for me.” Daichi says and then it is Suga again on the phone, “Tell her we miss her very much and she has to come back to visit us again. Heme-chan gave birth to a litter of kittens and she has to come back and name every single one of them. I swear to God, Daichi, I’m  _ not _ pestering Kageyama. He hasn’t even complained!” 

_ Maybe because I didn’t have the chance to?  _ Kageyama forces out a wry laugh. 

“Kageyama, you should go.” Senne says from the kitchen. 

The other end quiets down and then Daichi’s voice says, “Was that Senne?” Kageyama supposes the phone on the end is on speaker when he hears a clatter of arguments over who should hold the phone. 

“Senne-chan, hello!”, “How are you doing, Senne?”, “How’s New York?”, “Did you and Kageyama kiss and make up finally?” The questions come like a tsunami and Kageyama has reached his limit. He ends the call and turns his phone off. There is more to worry about than his friends’ meddling. 

Senne is not even looking up when he follows her out of the door. Her eyes are glued to her phone, texting furiously with someone called  _ Jason.  _ In the elevator, she groans at the lack of internet connection and puts down her phone, biting her lower lips as she watches the elevator door in utmost agitation. 

“Busy day today?” he asks. 

She jumps as if she forgot he was there, “Yeah, prepping for an interview.” 

“We have an interview today as well.” 

She widens her eyes, “Please tell me it’s not at ESPN.” 

The corner of his lips curls into a half-smile. It is indeed at ESPN. He shrugs, “I’m not sure where it would be.” 

“Please do not be at ESPN.” 

“Why don’t you want to see me at work?” he takes offense at her anxiety, half-jokingly. 

“No,” she stops fidgeting, “That’s not what I mean. It’s just…” 

“Complicated?” He offers. 

She nods, watching the numbers on the screen descend. “And embarrassing.” 

“Hey, I don’t regret anything.” He reaches out to hold her hands and she lets him with a shaky exhale. “We’ve known each other too long for this to be awkward.” 

“When’s your flight back?” 

He has dreaded this question. Knowing her, it is not surprising that she is already counting down their days together. Throughout the relationship, she did the worrying for the both of them. 

“Next Wednesday.” 

“So soon,” she says to herself in a weak whisper but he cannot help but smile. “What are we going to do about this?” 

He shrugs, thinking about asking her to dinner. But he backtracks and decides to ask her right after they step out of the elevator. 

They step out of the elevator and the internet connection is restored, and he loses Senne to her phone, typing up replies to this bastard  _ Jason _ . He hates this  _ Jason  _ guy. Opening the door for her, he fails yet again to ask her about her plan tonight as she wobbles out of the apartment. Well then, he has plenty of time on the car ride, doesn’t he? 

“Oh, the Lyft is here.” she waves at the black Fords at the corner and hastens towards the car, opening the door before he can do it for her. She gestures, “Get in.” Still typing on her phone with only her right thumb. The chilly winter gust ruffles her neatly combed hair and she sweeps the strands away from her face through her gloved hands, still very focused on her work. Kageyama stands mesmerized before he realizes he is staring, “Come on. I’m running late.” 

This is the time, he stutters, “So about us…”  _ Good job, Kageyama. _

“Yeah.” Putting away her phone in guilt, she buries her face into the white scarf, but he can see she was blushing. “Let’s discuss details later, okay? I’m really late.” She gestures at the passenger seat, again. “Come on, I have to catch the Q train.” 

“We’re not going together?” 

She looks mildly annoyed but is distracted,  _ again _ , by her phone, “I have to pick up… something. Will you please hurry up, babe, I’m…” she catches herself. 

He grins so widely that he fears he might have strained his muscles and has to stay in this stupid grin for the rest of his life. With her, he smiles way more than he scowls, which is quite an accomplishment. But hearing her say  _ babe _ , all he can feel is a warmth in his heart that resembles so much of home. The word  _ babe _ has so much power that it sends butterflies all over. He realizes that somehow he’s found home 6000 miles away. And like that, he forgets all about the dinner proposal.

“Just get in,” she stumbles with her words, shoving him into the car. “We’ll talk later, okay?”

  
_ Maybe even earlier.  _ But Kageyama doesn’t say anything. He will ask her to dinner after the interview. He dodges into the car and watches as she scurries away — until she turns the corner and he loses sight of her. The driver grunts, irritated by the delay. Despite Kageyama’s efforts to pinch back the smile, his lips stretches into and maintains a wide, idiotic grin throughout the ride.


	9. second contact

The metro station is too warm as Yumeri’s whole body burns at the word  _ babe _ . She slides into the Q-train before the doors snap close. She pants, gripping on the poles to steady herself against the plunge of the train. There are many empty seats, but she thinks best to stand for a while, until her head is straight. The raucous shriek of the train calms her down a bit. When the movement is much more steady, she whips out her phone and reviews the last-minute changes Jason made to their interview script. 

Her mind drifts from the script to last night multiple times, but her self control is responsible enough to pull her back to work. 5 years and by the second night they spent together, they can’t even keep their hands to themselves. Last night was…unwise. But she cannot help but reminisce about his touch, his warmth, and how exciting it was to discover his old and new scars like plotting a map. Flashbacks of last night surge in her head and she can faintly feel kisses on her shoulder, her neck and… She shuts her eyes and decides to take a seat. Exhaling, as if she can breathe the heat out of her body, her attention comes back to the interview script. 

The concentration doesn’t last for long, however, before she starts fussing about the fact she called him  _ babe.  _ Back when they were dating, she had never called him that. It is a habit she picks up after dating her college boyfriend but it never sounded right. But this time,  _ babe _ rests perfectly on her tongue. The word tumbles out and fits nicely on Kageyama. It is just an innocent mistake, but it never felt more right. Placing her cold hands on her overheated cheek, she exhales once again, forcing him out of her head. 

The train stops, throwing Yumeri against the person next to her and she mumbles an heartless apology. When the flimsy doors ease open with shrills of old age, a couple stumbles into the cabin in skittish giggles. The girl says something in the boy’s ears and he laughs aloud — his laugh full of vigor and very much in love. At the sight, Yumeri’s heart sinks down to her shoes as she realizes how much she envies them. To be in the same place, to hold hands whenever they wanted. To lead lives that complement each other, to come home to each other, and to not have an ocean between them. When Kageyama was fast asleep last night, she was running a thousand scenarios in her head. When the day broke, still none of them seemed favorable. How sad is this, to think about rekindled romance and only come up with heartbreak? Even with a week left, she has begun hurting. Her heartstrings tug at every moment she catches his smile, knowing that in a week, that smile won’t be for her anymore. 

_ Stop it.  _

By the time she comes back to her senses, she’s already power walking through the open plan office. She slides into her cubicle and places her laptop, notebook, and phone neatly on her desk. Her colleague Jason creeps up behind her and shoves a mug of coffee in her face. 

“Hi, partner. Black,” he says. “Just the way you like it.” 

“I never said I like black coffee,” she takes a huge gulp anyway and studies his smug smile. “What do you want?”   
  


He shrugs, “Why do you always assume I want something when I am just being nice? You look like you need some caffeine, anyway. Rough night?”

“When are you ever nice without a good reason?” she spits, sitting down. 

Jason snorts, “Fine. I forgot to tell you something. Elaine needs your help with the volleyball World Cup special.” 

“Huh? But I already have a tennis one-on-one on my plate.” 

“Yeah but that’s next week and I’m here to help.” He explains, “You cannot believe Elaine’s luck. The interpreter she hired got into an accident last night and none of the interns speak Japanese. So, Elaine needs you for the interview later, the Japanese National Team, that is. Plus, I already told her you would help because I totally forgot to tell you and have you seen the crazy in her eyes? She would murder me and leave my body for the pigeons if…” 

“The Japanese National Team.” She repeats blankly. 

“Yes.” He blinks. “Hey, you know some of them, right? I remember you said something about being a volleyball club manager. Weren’t you also…” His recollection of Yumeri’s past is interrupted by a loud and chirpy “Senne-san!” 

The two colleagues turn around, one in confusion and the other in utmost panic. An average height, chipper, and completely unguarded man is galloping towards them. No matter how much he changed, Yumeri will never forget that messy torch of auburn hair. 

She manages a wide smile, trying to mask her uneasiness, “Shouyou!” Before she can say anything else, Hinata Shouyou pulls her into a big embrace. The height difference is so foreign, she feels as if she’s hugging someone else. In high school, she used to watch Kageyama poke fun at his height, silently enjoying his pout and their ensued banter. 5 years later, here she is, tipping on her toes to return the hug. 

“Wow, Yumeri!” He drinks in the sight of her. “Did you dye your hair?” 

“No, I grew it out.” She answers, her eyes glancing around for Kageyama. Hinata and Kageyama are almost inseparable. She knows this 5 '7'’ of joyful sunshine heralds the arrival of a tower of reticence “Jason, this is Hinata Shouyou, from Team Japan. Shoyou, Jason, my colleague.” 

Jason stands up to shake Shoyou’s hand passionately, “I’m a big fan. I watched every of your beach volleyball games, Ninja Shouyou.” 

Shoyou blushes aggressively, waving his arms and stumbling to shower his fan in gratitude and modesty. Yumeri looks around again and Shouyou notices, “Kageyama thought you’d be uncomfortable having him around. I don’t understand as you guys have already spent the night…” 

Yumeri loves this guy but sometimes she shares Kageyama’s determination to strangle the bubbly life out of him. She strains a smile, “Hinata. Shut. Up.” But it is too late, Jason is already staring at her with a grin. 

“Oh, you naughty, Yumeri Senne.” Jason pats her on the back. “Did you hook up with our guest?” 

“Oh, it wasn’t a hookup.” Shouyou chimes in, conveniently ignoring Yumeri’s glare. “They just made up.” 

Yumeri can see Jason making a connection in his head. He gasps, “You were dating the Japanese setter? You go, girl. But that one time playing Never Have I Ever, you said you’d never dated celebrities. This counts. This definitely counts.”

“Shush.” She almost pleads. “Don’t you have to prepare for your interview?” 

Hinata perks up like he forgot all about it, “Right. Do you know where that would be? I asked the nice lady where you were and came here right away, so I have no idea where the rest of the team is.” 

She sighs, “I’ll take you there. I’m working on this interview, too.” 

“You will be interviewing us?” Hinata chirps loudly as they walk out of the office, earning a few side glances for his lack of indoor voice. 

She shrugs, “I don’t know yet. Off-screen, I assume. I’m only helping out.” 

Hinata talks about how happy he is to see her and describes in colorful onomatopoeia about the pigeons he saw in New York. Behind his bouncing tendencies, she can see the days in Brazil have molded him into one of brightest st. When she heard from Yamaguchi that Hinata went to Brazil one year after graduation, she was so worried she even considered taking a trip down to South America just to check on him. But he pulled through and came out an all-star athlete, so she is sort of glad she didn’t. When Hinata asks about her, she keeps the answers as terse as she can. He is kind enough to avoid her relationship with Kageyama, but as a close friend, she knows he is dying to know. 

“Honestly, I can’t tell you much yet.” She says when he finally asked, in the subtlest way he can manage (which was, “So how’s Kageyama?”). It is always easy to open up to Shouyou. His starry eyes and laser-sharp focus on your problems are extremely hard to resist. “You guys are going back in a few days and I’m never going to give up my career in New York. I just don’t see how it would work.” 

“Kageyama could clean dishes here in New York. I bet he would want to work in that deli he likes so much.” He suggests. She can’t tell if he is being serious or not. “Nah, he’d mess up.” 

“Yeah.” The only thing he’s good at is volleyball and Yumeri certainly would not ask him to give that up. 

“Maybe he could join a volleyball club here.” he tries again, but it is not long until he withdraws the suggestion, “Nah, his English sucks.” 

She chuckles, “You really have no faith in Kageyama, do you?” 

“No.” he grins. The sparks in his eyes are so confident, it’s almost intimidating. “I trust him in court and in treating you right.” 

Before she can muster something else to say, they have arrived at the studio. The crew runs around in a hustle, setting up the camera, adjusting the lighting, and reviewing the script. She excuses herself from Hinata and catches Elaine at the makeup table, frowning into her phone. 

“Elaine…” 

“Oh my gosh!” Elaine screams. She is a lanky woman with an anchorwoman smile, given her experience on CNN. Perfect golden curls frame her face nicely and the way she smiles accentuates the red on her lips. There is a beauty mark on her left cheek that is too endearing for Yumeri to look away. “You. Are. My. Lifesaver. I can’t believe Mitzuko got into an accident last night. Wait, should I go check on her?” 

Yumeri isn’t sure if it is her cue to say something, but thankfully Elaine continues her rant, “Nah, not now. I am so unlucky! Can you believe it? It’s good that my tarot reading warned me beforehand, so I got Jason to text you last night.”  _ Which he didn’t,  _ Yumeri wants to spill. “So, now, honey, I don’t need you to do the interpretation. Thank God their manager speaks English and some of the team do, too. Plus, I’d put you on the spot. How long ago was it when you last spoke professional Japanese? Anyway, I need you to look at these documents. One of them is a press release Mitsuko wrote up, I just want a second opinion on this but I don’t understand any bits of Japanese, so I would love it if you could help. Also, these are the contracts and directions…” She slides a folder of paper across the makeup table and tugs out her tongue in a sense of mischief, “It’d be nice to tell the team in person, just to make sure they know what would happen during the interview. Finally, maybe say hi to the team with me so they know we’re professional.” 

“Sure,” that doesn’t sound too difficult. 

“They  _ are _ cute, aren’t they? Cute, cute kids.” Elaine turns around to look at the team of Japanese athletes bantering and laughing. Yumeri spots Sakusa trying to cower into his windbreaker, Bokuto in a yelling match with Hinata about bagel flavors, Ushijima spacing out behind them… and Kageyama. Their eyes lock and he manages a small smile and a tentative wave, but it isn’t discreet enough for Elaine. “Wait, you two know each other?” 

“Uh…” Yumeri scrambles to explain herself, her heart picking up pace from either this interrogation or that Kageyama looks really attractive in that blue shirt. “I know most of them, to be honest.” 

“You, what?” Elaine looks at her saucer-eyed, even when she doesn’t think they can get any larger. 

“Uh… I go to school with two of them. The opposite and the setter. We played against and trained with most of the other team members so…” Her explanation fizzles out, hoping Elaine would not make a big deal out of it. 

Elaine takes a few moments to process this piece of new information, her brain working to figure out how to play this in her favor, “Awesome.” is all she could say. She should have stopped at that, but she adds, “That kid who just waved to you…” she peers at her notebook, “Kageyama Tobio,” nudging Yumeri, and comments, “Kinda cute.” 

Yumeri feels her face burn but she shrugs off the comment, _professionally_ , “I’ll look at the press release now.” 

Just as she is about to leave, Elaine grabs onto her, “No, no, no. Let’s say hi to your good friends first. Don’t you want to catch up?” 

Like that, Elaine drags Yumeri across the room and pokes her head among the tall athletes, “Hi, all of you.” 

The noise that is the national team suddenly quiets down, all eyes on the two women. Kageyama tries to hide behind Ushijima, shrugging off Hinata, who is nudging him playfully. Bokuto bounces and shouts “Hey, hey!” at Yumeri, regardless she clearly has noticed him. Ushijima, Sakusa, and Hoshiumi blink at the two of them, waiting. 

“I’m sure you already know Yumeri Senne.” Elaine speaks so slowly, it is almost offensive. 

“Briefly, yes.” Ushijima manages the slightest wave and speaks in perfect English, “Long time.” 

“I was betting with Hinata and Kageyama if we would see you here in New York.” Bokuto says, “I didn’t know you work here, at ESPN. What a coincidence, right? Right? Now you two owe me one Five Guys milkshake, each.” He nudges Hinata and the latter nods with the widest smile. 

“It’s nice to see you all again.” She says in Japanese and she can feel a  _ wow _ slipping out of Elaine’s lips. “Elaine’s the interviewer, so you’d be talking to her most of the time.” 

“Tell them to relax.” Elaine interrupts and smiles widely like a barbie doll. 

“Just sit back and relax.” Yumeri continues, even though most of them already know what Elaine is talking about. “She won’t be asking anything out of the script. She’s going to keep it light.”   


“Ask them if…” Elaine interrupts again. 

“If you guys have any questions, just ask for Elaine, or me.” Yumeri reassures Elaine with a smile, “But Elaine first, because I’m only helping her out for a bit.” In the corner of her eyes, Jason saunters into the studio. She tries to hide behind the tall wall of volleyball players, but he spots her anyway. 

“Heyo! There’s the national team!” Jason exclaims, “Okay, which one of you is…” 

“Jason.” Yumeri bristles but everyone (except Elaine) knows exactly what he is wondering. Hinata and Bokuto gesture at Kageyama before Sakusa smacks them across their heads. “Team, this is my partner, Jason.” She is sure Kageyama grimaces at the word  _ partner _ . 

“Senne-san, would you like to join us for dinner later?” Hinata asks, still bouncing with Bokuto. 

Bokuto concurrs, “Yes, yes. Let’s have dinner!” 


	10. another conversation

Kageyama follows his team reluctantly into a barbecue restaurant, staring at the silhouette of Yumeri and her  _ partner _ Jason. He clenches his jaw and growls into his scarf, the ugliness of jealousy has overtaken him. 

“Are you jealous, Kageyama?” Hinata, only ever clairvoyant when Kageyema needs it the least, observes, wearing a teasing grin. 

“No,” he mumbles, rubbing his hands together for some warmth. Even as his hands are wrapped in leather gloves, they still feel wanting. 

He finds himself scowling again when  _ Jason  _ and Hinata sit down next to Yumeri matter-of-factly. Dumbfounded, he takes a seat beside Ushijima, catching an apologetic smile on Yumeri’s lips and a taunting smirk on Hinata’s.

_ I swear to God, dumbass _ . 

On this entire way to dinner, Kageyama misses all the chance to exchange words with Yumeri. He missed it when she looked expectantly at him when Bokuto shared how tightly Kageyama clinged onto Hinata on the 13-hour flight. And the time her hands brushed against his when they crossed the road. And also that time when Hinata suggested the two of them walk together. The last time he would’ve agreed, but the both of them were too embarrassed to say anything before they lost the team’s attention and Hinata entertained them with another dumb idea (getting gelato in the middle of a snow, that is). He tries to catch her in between conversations, but Team Japan flocks to her like ducklings to the mother duck, begging for a compliment or a smile. As usual. He understands how warm they feel inside when Yumeri smiles at them, the sort of smile that seems exclusive to the best of them. She always holds the power over them, even when they were in high school, Kageyama found himself looking her way every time he did a perfect toss. She never forgot to give him the sweetest, most gentle, approving beam. 

Now his nemesis  _ Jason  _ is talking about a story he ran with Yumeri and how amazing Yumeri truly is. Kageyama can hardly hold back the urge to punch him across his pretty face when he puts his arm around Senne’s shoulders like it belongs there. Senne doesn’t look too disturbed and Kageyama finds himself wondering about the nature of their relationship. 

Is he one of Senne’s  _ few _ boyfriends? Was he wearing Jason’s clothes the day before? For some reasons, he really wants a shower right now, just to wash away any nonexistent germs. 

Hinata starts reciting the story of how he met Kageyama to Jason and the latter has the audacity to snort. Kageyama  _ literally  _ gnarls. 

“Down, boy.” Bokuto tussles Kageyama’s hair. “You know we love making fun of you.” 

He clears his throat and stands up, muttering excuses to make use of the restroom. When he leaves, the table wastes no time readjusting to his absence. 

He stares at the restroom mirror and fails yet again to put away his frown. Who can blame him for wanting quality time with Senne-san? It’s normal to feel this shitty about his ruined plan, isn’t it? 

When he steps outside, he bumps into a smaller figure at the bar. He mutters an apology and plans to sneak away, but a familiar touch laces their fingers around his wrist. 

“Hey, are you okay?” worries Senne. He looks up and locks eyes with the smiling woman. “You look kinda intense back there. Not that you ever look...well, not intense.” 

“I was hoping we could get some alone time but Hinata beats me to it.” he blurts. “I just want to spend time with you before I…” 

She smiles and picks up the bottles of beer the bartender leaves on the counter. Then she leans in to leave a peck on the corner of his lips. His body shudders at the sweetness of her gesture, his lips pinched and trembles. She says, “We’ll get time. Let’s entertain Shouyou. And I miss everyone, too. Not just you.” 

He tails her as she starts to head back to their booth like a very large dog, “But you miss me the most, right?” 

She shoots him a look with a teasing frown, “Kageyama.” 

“Hey, I…” he reaches out to grab her free hand gently. “What’s… what’s your relationship uh...with…uh Jason?” By the time his question slips out, he regrets it immediately. Aren’t you eloquent, Kageyama. The embarrassment is so severe, he wants to lock himself in the restroom and never allow himself out because he runs his mouth and he is stupid.  _ Stupid _ . 

But Senne gives him a funny look, “You’re jealous.” 

“I…” 

Her hand runs up his arm, sending goosebumps all over. She fails to bite in a  _ very _ happy smirk, “there’s nothing to worry about, Kageyama.” 

He frowns, finding it hard to accept that answer. But he tugs his annoyance safely inward and allows no change in his deadpan face. 

“You know I’m never going to let this down, though. A jealous Kageyama, very new.” She purrs. Steals another light kiss — this time on his lips —before they return to the crowd. When Hinata and Bokuto yell at the sight of beer, Kageyama downs one to drown their screaming. 

The dinner resumes in a bubble of joy. The dumbass duo talks most of the time but even Ushijima seems to be enjoying the food and the conversation. Sakusa is trapped in an uncomfortable conversation with an overly intrusive Jason, but alcohol is numbing his usual defensive nature. Jason, Kageyama notes, is still unnecessarily touchy-feely with his girl—. He stops himself. Is Senne his girlfriend now? They really need to sort this out. Scowling, he orders another bottle of beer. 

“Kageyama, maybe you should stop with the drinking?” Senne finally suggests. Her eyes determined, noticing the severity behind his jealousy. 

He grunts in reply and downs that one, too. 

  
  


The dinner ends on a happy note, for everyone except Kageyama. He finds himself somehow a little bit intoxicated but that much drinking doesn’t fill up the raging emptiness he feels inside. 

“You can’t be serious.” Senne is suddenly in front of him, supporting his weight as he loses balance yet again on the sidewalk. “I can’t believe you let  _ that  _ get into your head. I don’t know if I should be mad or flattered, Kageyama. You’re impossible, you really are.” 

“I’m–I’m sorry.” He slurs. Where is she taking him, anyway? He hopes it’s her apartment, but he groans at the thought of running into the meddling flatmates. “I can…” 

“Wow, he really is quite drunk.” Hinata laughs. “I can get him back to the hotel, Yumeri. You just get home safe, okay?” 

Kageyama feels himself being passed around like a puppy, now he is leaning on Hinata. His old friend’s auburn mess of hair tickles his neck. He protests, “No! I don’t want to go back to the ho...hotel.” 

“Where do you want to go then?” Hinata entertains him, raising his eyebrows. “You’re a mess, Kageyama.” 

“Well, you’re a dumbass.” 

“Rude.” 

“I want Yumeri.” He doesn’t know if she’s still around them because he’s too busy trying to stop himself from spinning. “I want…” 

“I know.” Hinata coos. “But you’re just going to be an inconvenience. She has work tomorrow and if she needs to take care…” 

Sober Kageyama knows Hinata is being reasonable but Drunk Kageyama holds the reins now so he says, “Dumbass Hinata, let me go.” He shoves his friend against a streetlight and the latter protests angrily. He doesn’t hear Senne making an angry noise. 

“Calm the  _ fuck  _ down, Kageyama.” 

“You calm the fuck down.” 

“You…” 

“Okay, that’s enough.” Senne breaks the argument apart, shoving the short-tempered partners away from each other.“Let’s not do this on the freaking sidewalk. I’m freezing and I just want to go home.” 

Hinata blinks at her, “Right, sorry. You get home safely okay? I’ll take care of this stupid ass back to the hotel.” 

“Hinata dumbass, what makes you think I need you to take care…” Kageyama starts but is interrupted by Senne. 

“Shouyou, you’re sweet but I’ll take Kageyama with me, if that’s okay with you.” He faintly hears her say. “You guys have tomorrow free, right? At least that’s what Bokuto said.” 

Hinata says something in reply but Kageyama’s head throbs so hard it’s starting to impair his hearing. That was some lousy beer. 

“To be honest, I’d really like to talk to him, too. When he’s sober, of course.” She says and rolls her eyes when she sees a wide smile plastered across Kageyama’s flushed face. “I’ll tell Jason to cover for me tomorrow. I’ll send him on his way when you guys have practice, okay?” 

  
  


The next thing he knows is Senne dumping him on the living room couch, hard. In his blurry sight, two faces smirk at him. Then he hears the door shut. Then he blacks out, probably. 

He wakes up with the worst hangover he’s had in years. His head feels like it would swell beyond the capacity of his skull, and the loud coffee machine isn’t doing him any good. He squints in the daylight, nursing another throb in his skull when he tries to sit up.

“You’re unbelievable.” Senne’s voice says. He wonders if he’s dreaming. But he knows he’s not the instant Senne throws a pillow in his face. “Are you seriously sulking about Jason?” 

“Well, I…” he cringes at the migraine and swallows the urge to throw up. 

Senne doesn’t notice and continues to fume, “I told you not to worry about it!” 

“But he’s so…” 

“Everyone knows except you, you dense idiot.” Her eyes glow in frustration and Kageyama wants to shrink into the couch. 

“Knows what?” He can’t help, knowing she will roll her eyes at him.

And she does, “He’s gay, Kageyama.” 

_ Oh.  _

_ Oh!  _

“He’s gay and you got drunk for nothing.” Her voice is softer now. But full of pity, and Kageyama doesn’t like that. He feels ashamed, stupid, and sorry at the same time. “If you keep acting like this, I don’t know if we’re going to work, Kageyama. We’re not children anymore. We don’t have the liberty to throw fits.” 

“Hey, I’m sorry.” He says. “It’s just…” he shuts his eyes to tuck away the headache. “I’m sorry I lost my temper, it’s just I miss you, Yumeri.” 

“I’m still here. For now.”

“I know!” He stumbles to express his desire to be around her at all times, fighting the hangover that’s disrupting his thoughts. “I know,” he says again, much more composed.

“What are we going to do about this, then?” She crosses her arms after she pushes a painkiller across the kitchen island. “If you even want this to work…” 

“I do want this to work.”

“I’ll be here in New York and you’ll be in Tokyo.” She repeats. “That’s really far away, Kageyama. I’m not flying back to Japan every month and you’re not going to have  _ time  _ to fly to New York. How are we going to work?” 

“I… I don’t know.” He stares at the pills, his idle brain blank. 

“Well, think!” There are tears in her eyes now and he feels awful. She looks away and dots the tears away with her sleeve. “I can’t be the only one worrying.” 

“I promise I’ll call you everyday.” He says lamely. 

She snickers. It’s rare to see her so outwardly angry but she recollects herself before he can cower, “I can’t promise you the same thing, Kageyama. I don’t want to be a nuisance. I don’t want you to stay up at night after practice just to talk to me about the stupidest things. I...” 

“I love you, Yumeri.”

“That’s not enough.” Her voice falters and a tear rolls down her cheek. It’s only now that he realizes she’s crying. Quietly, though. She’s never one to cry aloud. Kageyama hates to see her cry so he gets out of the couch and pulls her into his arms, hoping this will comfort her and cease the aching in his heart. He plants butterfly kisses on her forehead and lets her blub into his chest. It doesn’t matter she’s crying into his nicest shirt. “I’ve thought about it through and through and I just can’t see how we’ll work! I’m sorry I can’t be in Tokyo. I’m sorry I’m not like Yachi or Kiyoko. I’m sorry I chose this and I’m too far down the road I just can’t give this up. I…” she hiccups and he puts her at arm’s length. 

He’s never good at comforting people. “You don’t have to be sorry about anything. I’m not giving up, Yumeri.” She cries harder, hiding her face against his rib cages. “I hate to bring Hinata into this conversation but if he taught me anything it’s that no matter how much the universe works against you, you can find a way to fight it.” 

“I can’t believe you quoted Hinata.” her voice muffled in his shirt. 

“I’m going to find a way to fight it, alright?” He catches another tear as it rolls down her face.

“And I’m just going to blindly wait for you?” She whimpers. The realist in her can be frustrating. 

“If you…” he suddenly loses his confidence and winces. “Yumeri.” 

She smiles through her despair, though it comes out a little dry. “Maybe we’ll find better people, Kageyama. Hinata is an exception. He’s like the protagonist of a very sappy and inspiring story but this is real life. And real life doesn’t come with moral lessons, real life just is. The situation just  _ is _ , Kageyama. It’s stupid trying to hold onto sand.” 

Normally he wouldn’t argue because Yumeri is one hundred times more persuasive and eloquent than he will ever be, but this time he’s not giving up. He’s not losing her because he’s bad at making words go, “How poetic.” He teases. “If you won’t wait for me to figure things out, it’s okay. I’ll win you over again.” 

“Ah, so you’re the sappy one. Have you spent too much time with Hinata?” she pokes him in the chest. 

“No.” He makes a face, “I spent too much time away from you.” 

She snorts, wiping away her tears. “Right.” She braves a smile and Kageyama wants to pin her against the kitchen counter and kiss her senseless but he doesn’t. He leans in and prints a tender kiss on her lips. She returns the kiss, lingering for  _ one more second.  _ Her hands find their way to the back of his neck and his around her waist. The kiss feels the same but completely different — this is the last for one, and for the other, this is only the beginning of many,  _ many  _ more to come. 


	11. see you later

They end up having a perfect day. Yumeri gets the kind of date she’s always dreamed of. She’s dragged some of her boyfriends on dates like this but none of them makes her feel as bubbly as this date with Kageyama does. They steal thousands of kisses in Central Park, warming themselves against each others’ lips. And everything is perfect. She figures if this is the last, then it has to be, doesn’t it? 

Kageyama smiles a lot more, she observes. She is glad. That none of his friends called to disturb their tranquility. That she doesn’t need to share him with anyone. She is glad they didn’t run into any fans, too. By the time the sun is setting, she is on his lap against a tree. 

“I can call you sometimes, right?” 

“Better not.” She purses her lips, intertwining her hands in his. His hands still outsize hers. She wants to memorize every inch of his skin. “We need to move on, Kageyama.” 

He pouts, “Text you?” 

“Kageyama.” 

“Alright then. So when we meet again, it’d feel more exciting.” He settles on that and she doesn’t bother to correct him. She just wants to relish this moment because she knows she’s not getting another one like this in her life. “But you’ll tell me when you come to Tokyo, right? Maybe compliment me when I play a good game? Write about me in your news articles?” 

“Kageyama.” 

“Fine.” His eyes darken and guilt overwhelms her. “I’m sorry.” 

She turns around and kisses him again, “Just enjoy it while it lasts, okay?” 

  
  


When the sky completely darkens, Kageyama lingers on her doorstep. 

“You have to go to practice early tomorrow.” She says when he asks if he could stay another night. His fingers trail against her left cheek and she leans in at the touch, “I’ll miss you.” 

He doesn’t say anything for a while. 

“If you’re done staring, maybe you should get onto the Lyft.” She reminds, putting on a strained smile. 

“I love you, Yumeri Senne.” He says in an almost inaudible whisper. As he words stream out, tears pool in her eyes. She stores these words in the deepest crevices in her heart. One day, she will pull it out and replay it, again and again. Everyday, more likely. 

“I love you, too.” She says and the three words that usually are so hard for her to utter tumble out easily. Like saying  _ hi  _ to a friend, like the only thing she comes here to say. “Goodbye.” She leans in to kiss him one last time. 

When they part, he just stares. She can feel his brain churning and she shakes her head, amused. “Aren’t you going to say our final goodbye?” 

“This is not the last time we see each other, Yumeri.” 

She sighs, “Kageyama.” 

He reaches out to hold her hands, plants a kiss on the root of her palm, and the edge of his lips twists into a half-smirk. Then he turns around and disappears into the white Toyota. 

She watches as the car drives away — until it turns the corner and she loses sight of him for good. Despite her efforts to hold back the tears, her face is distorted in bitterness and she stands in the cold for a very long time, warm streaks of tears run free as she grieves, again, for the loss of someone very much alive. 


	12. reunion

“Hold that thought,” Yumeri Senne growls at Jason when he approaches her full of bad intentions. “I’m too sleep deprived for whatever shit you pulled. I’m not calling Elaine for you, I’m not fixing the draft for you, nor am I going to type up the interview transcript for you. So no, not today.” 

“You really don’t want to hear it?” 

She peers at him, “Hear what?” 

He beams wider, pulls out a piece of paper, “I’m reading to you today’s newsletter. The new intern Janet organized this by the way. You’ll love her. First day on the job and already doing you a  _ huge  _ favor. Also the person of interest should be on their way here, for a  _ huge  _ press conference. Oh, you’ll love this.” 

“Get to the point.” She drones, eyes move back to her laptop, and types up the final draft of a retirement interview. She feels a little bit sad to be writing this article. In no sense is she going to play along with Jason’s antics today. 

He starts reading and she’s pretty sure he’s wearing a grin, “The world of Volleyball experiences a shock today as Japanese National Team announces a groundbreaking decision to move their training base to...” 

“Senne.” A familiar and very,  _ very _ much missed voice called out. 

She turns around, wide-eyed. It’s been another 3 years since she’d heard his voice. Another 3 years of chasing fragments of him in the crowd. Of stopping Yachi and Shouyou from gushing about him. Of resisting to search him up on social media platforms. Of watching his games and cheering for him and only him. Of replaying his interviews and wondering if he’d ever retire from something he loves so much. 

3 years, 2 failed attempts at romance, and 1 broken engagement. 3 years, 2 housewarming parties and 1 big promotion. 3 years and… She feels her tears roll down her cheeks. 3 years, it takes him 3 years to be here again. 

Still tall, athletically built. They’re nearing their 30’s and nothing’s really changed about him. Except that his hair is a little shorter. His eyes are still blue, touched by moody storm clouds, but now they look so animated with a crooked grin that says “ _ I told you so” _ .

“What are you doing here?” She stands, eyeing Jason, who folds his arms on the cubicle clapboard and sets his chin on top to watch. 

Kageyama grins wider, “I’m here for a press conference.” 

“What press conference?” She says suspiciously. 

“About my contract.” 

Her lips quivered, “What?” 

“Well, I think being in an American team would be interesting.” 

She widens her eyes. “Kageyama, what?” 

“I know this is fast but it would be very nice if you would move to California with me.” 

Yumeri only stares, mouth agape. Can this really be happening? 

He opens his arms into a shrug and blushes a little, “I mean if your career permits, that is. Honestly, this is the best I can do. If not, flying from the east coast to the west coast once a week is fine, too. If you...” 

Without waiting for him to finish, she prances onto him, hugging him so tightly as if he is going to slip through her hands again. She buries her nose in the corner of his neck, releasing a long held sigh, then she melts. 

Jason whoops on the top of his lungs as the office shifts unenthusiastically. 

“I’ll take this as a yes?” He breathes against her ears. She sustains a laugh, listening to his quickened heartbeat. This moment. This moment, she thinks, is everything she wants in life. 

“Hell yeah.” She whispers. “I hate the winter in New York anyway.” 


	13. epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a plan ruined by a very well-intentioned friend

Senne stares at the box that says **BOKE** and frowns, “Kageyama?” When she hears the man inside her kitchen mumbles something back, she continues, “Why is there a box labeled Dumbass?” 

He pokes his head from the kitchen and blinks, retrieving information from the back of his head, “Oh. Uh, that’s from Hinata.” 

“What’s in it?” 

“I don’t know. I haven’t opened it.” he dives back into his mission - whatever it is in the kitchen. 

“Why not?” she picks at the duct tape around the opening, curious to see what’s inside. 

“Because it’s from Hinata.” He says like it answers the question, “Do you want some tea?” 

Senne says yes, approaching the balcony and sighs dreamily at the view. The sunset here is splendid, the fragrance of sunshine, the glamor of celebrities. To be honest, Senne spends too much time being a New Yorker, she has trouble adjusting to the boisterous and warm LA residents.

They have been together for five years now, and to be honest, they had their share of ups and downs. In times when Kageyama was frustrated, homesick, challenged, they got into arguments about the tiniest things. But giving up isn’t an option. He’s fought so hard for them, it’s her time to fight, too. She’s lost him once and she isn’t planning to let go, again. So they survived the first few months of friction, of fuming silence and tearful conversations. But none of them spoke again about giving up. 

She gets back to the BOKE box and unpacks it with a pair of scissors. The box smells of neglect, and Senne plans on scolding Kageyama about giving Hinata a cold shoulder every time he sends something from Japan. To her surprise, she pulls out a crow plushie with a crown on its head. The only thing she can manage right now is to stare quizzically, trying to analyze what went on in Hinata’s head. From the crow’s beak falls out a card. 

Senne picks up to read it.

  
  
**Dear Kageyama,**

**How’s Senne? How are you? I was worried about not being invited to your wedding so I took the liberty to send you this as soon as Yachi told me you were looking for a wedding ring. She sent me the picture, it’s quite nice. Just so you know, I helped her choose the wedding ring, so in a sense, I picked your wedding ring for you. I know best, you know, as Senne’s best friend. She will definitely like it for sure, so don’t freak out. (I’ve seen your texts, you were not cool at all. I repeat, not cool.)**

**Things are not so hectic in Black Jackal, thanks for asking. We beat you, and will continue to.**

**Peace out.**

**Warmest regards,**  
**Hinata Shouyou.**

**PS. Oh shit, I forgot to explain the crow plushie. It’s for your future child. They should know how cool of a king their father was back in the days, in case you never bring them to Japan to meet me. Which will be unforgivable and means the end of our friendship, hence the crow plushie in remembrance of my spirit.**

  
  
  
The letter finds Senne in a shock, her mind goes blank. 

It isn’t like she hasn’t thought about marriage. She wants it, more than anything. Building a family with Kageyama sounds like a dream. And occasionally when they walk in the park, they run in baby carriages, and she realizes that she wants a kid, too. Someday. But she doesn’t press him. They have their own timing, and it’s been great with just the two of them. 

“Kageyama.” she calls out. 

“Hmm?” comes the reply. 

“Come here.” 

He appears with two mugs of tea, places them on the table and leans in to give her a peck on her temple. When he sees the toy, he frowns. “What did the dumbass send us?” 

“Maybe you should read the card first.” she smirks and passes him the card as he settles on the floor cross-legged. He squints at the card and Senne starts to chuckle when his face gradually turns pale. The corner of his lips twitches, and Senne knows Hinata is in a lot of trouble. She wouldn’t be surprised if Kageyama jumps on a plane and flies back to Japan just to kick him in the groin. 

Kageyama finishes reading the card, looks at her sheepishly, and says, “Fuck.” 

“How long ago did this package arrive?” 

He looks away, hands ball up so tightly he almost scrunches up the card, “Three weeks ago.” 

She draws up her left hand and wiggles her fingers, “So why am I still not engaged?” 

He breaks out a grin and it turns into a soft chuckle. “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry you have to see this, Yumeri.” 

“So where is the ring? How do you plan on proposing? When were you going to propose?” She showers him with questions but he only shakes his head. 

“Might as well do it right now.” He pulls out a tiny turquoise box from his pocket, works himself into a proper kneel. He looks at her with a focus she’s only seen when he’s playing volleyball, “I keep this around at all times, but I keep missing the opportunity. Here goes. Remember when I told you I love you and you told me it’s not enough. ” 

“Oh wow, that’s what you’re going to start with?” She teases. 

“Just let me finish,” he clicks his tongue, grimacing. “You told me it’s not enough and for a while I believe it. But when I went back to Tokyo, I realized something.” 

“What?” She smirks, watching his lips curl into a grin. 

“I realized I love you more.” He says, almost in a whisper. His finger fidgets against the ring. “I love you more than the distance between us, more than the fights and the bad days that’s waiting in the future. Yumeri Senne, I love you and I want to grow with you. I want to build something with you, hopefully a family. So, will you please marry me?” 

“This took you three freaking weeks?” She rounds her arms around his neck and brushes his hair back. “You should get a haircut by the way.” 

“So?” He gestures at the box between them, presses his forehead on hers. “Will you marry me?” 

“Hell yeah.” she whispers into his ears as she hugs him close. “Of course.” 

Senne sighs a lot, most of the time in front of a laptop at a loss of words, or staring at Kageyama’s impossible face, trying to find a way to end the argument. Her mother has reminded her so much not to sigh. _You’ll sigh your life away, Yumeri_. So she masks the sigh as smiles and that’s all she knows until now. When she finds herself sighing against Kageyama’s shoulder, exhaling the last shards of loneliness and breathing in the warmth of a newfound home, she doesn’t care that much about what her mother said anymore. 

After Kageyama carefully slides the ring up her finger and they share yet another kiss, she watches him pull out his phone, his merry expression all gone. “I have to make a phone call.” 

She shrugs to say she doesn’t mind and lies on the couch, admiring her new ring. It feels a little bit weird to be engaged, and it certainly is anticlimactic. But she likes it. She likes that they are the only witness to this promise. No one was around to cheer them on. Just the two of them, life decisions in midst of domestic errands. Honestly, she doesn’t feel any different. Just very, very happy. 

She presses her ring finger against her lips and chuckles when she hears, “Jesus fucking Christ, Hinata. You are the dumbest fucking tangerine I have ever met. You just ruined my proposal!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeesh, sorry abt the irregular update.  
> definitely a lot i can improve on, so feedback is appreciated :-)

**Author's Note:**

> thanks so much for reading!  
> feedback would be appreciated <3


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